CHOOSING LIFE

Have you ever heard Death knock on your door? I have, a couple of times, mostly in terms of men with evil eyes threatening me for various reasons on various occasions, or the time when I contemplated committing suicide when I was young. However when a possible death occurs within you, it becomes a matter between you and God only.

You already know all the reasons why I chose to come back to Hawaii, but few knows of the actual cause. It is described in my book as one of many profound moments that everything else is deriving from, which also makes it seem so extremely superficial and disrespectful when others copy/inspire themselves from parts of it as read here on my blog and write something similar without really knowing me or the context from where my wisdom arise and thereby can not relate and understand the true meaning of which I am writing and not referencing me as their source. I am glad to inspire others but there is a difference between pretending to be unique while copying me and acknowledging your teacher.

While I was living in Sweden I found a lump in my chest. It was there and it showed on the Mammogram which prompted the physicians at the hospital to make a punctuation (or whatever it is called in English). The days afterwards while I was awaiting the result had me ask a question I often do when I need to make a life altering decision. I asked myself: "What if I find out that I only have three months to live or have to go through all the hellish treatments my mother suffered for five years?" And even though I have had friends and family, whom some I have known for decades in Sweden, no one cared or bothered to support me, except for one casual acquaintance who happened to work as a nurse. That night before my next doctor's appointment made it clear to me that I would rather skip the treatments and move directly to Hawai'i and die at the beach in front of a beautiful sunset if I had to. At least then I would be where my heart longed to reconnect with new friends I made some years back and dance the Hula.

The doctor shared that it wasn't cancer but a "tissue-knot" that would always remain there and might even grow bigger and would have to be removed later on. I am in a high risk group since my mother died from the aggressive kind that can be transferred through genes and I haven't had children.

Three months later I started arranging my move to Hawaii, and another three months later the lump was inexplicably gone. That was three years ago.

So, when I choose to look at life from the perspective of the heart, what I am giving examples of is all deriving from the choosing of Life itself. I am not waiting for miracles to happen, because I am the miracle.

This post was a memory inspired by Cheryl Richardson's latest newsletter which can be found here. Thank you Cheryl! Do you see how easy it is for me to acknowledge her?